songs of the moment

The Middle East - Blood
Birdy - People Help The People
Passenger - Let Her Go
Eels - My Beloved Monster  (I chose this video because he has the same guitar as me !!)
Decoder Ring - The Blind The Stars And The Wild Team (this song is great but I can't find a decent youtube version)
Darren Criss - Come What May (because I love him)

summer is

when I don't care at all that I'm not wearing pants.

come what may

beef mince, spinach w/ sesame oil, mushroom w/pepper, walnut and avocado

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University started this week. My main studio class room is the same as what I had last year in first semester and it's really weird being back in the same environment with completely different people. I wish king cat was still on the glass so I could look at it.

I don't have anyone that I'm super good friends with, which I always don't mind. However the third years in my class always go and sit away from the second years and I feel some pressure to go sit with them. However, for the last class I sat next to a second year and just asked her about herself. Maybe I will get to know someone new every class.

I feel pretty intimidated. I think I always feel like this at the start of the semester though. I don't talk that much and I just hope the teacher doesn't think I'm stupid or that the second year students don't think I'm a lame third year. Things always take a while to sink in so I hardly ever have something to say right after a discussion.

I am not even sure what my studio class is about yet. One teacher told us that we wouldn't have to worry about our readings as they were "short", however he gave us one that was 5 pages and now I have just printed out another one that is 11 pages. So far they have been awful. I don't understand anything and the way that the author has written it makes me want to cry and burn the papers.

I have a one specialisation in the work shop. I already like it - I am surrounded by creative people and it is scary but also awesome. I will be able to learn from the others and be inspired. I am so happy to have a class there as it means I can be hands-on the entire lesson and it feelssss gooooooooooooood.

On Wednesday I had intern with Vic. By then I was filled with anxiety from the studio class and other events that I was just really unhappy about how everything was going. I was whining to Vic about how much I wanted udon noodles for lunch the precious day but none of my friends wanted to eat it and she surprised me and said, "LET'S GET IT FOR LUNCH!" - this made me feel so happy... It literally made me forget all sadness. HAHA the magic of noodles. We ate near Flinders Street at a small japanese place. The udon noodles were SO TASTY I am definitely going back soon.

After intern I visited the Gallery to see the "Radiance" exhibition, Jeff Wall and also Thomas Demand. I was so so impressed by Thomas Demand's paper work and photography. I especially loved his rain drops falling. I watched it for a very long time.

I loved a lot of the artworks in the Radiance: The Neo-Impressionists, especially those of Maximilien Luce, Theo Van Rysselberghe and Achille Lauge.

exploring the Malthouse

My second specialisation is run by a really lovely lady. I haven't had her as a teacher before (actually I have all new teachers this year) but she seems kind and the class seems decent so far. We are to explore the entry to the Malthouse theatre and redesign it.

We we given a tour and introduction by a guy that had worked there for 10 years. I was so shocked to hear how many things needed work ! 

I think there will be group collaborations and presentations which is something I need to work on. In this class, I have most of my friends. Sim and Jim told me that I was so serious during the first lesson. They wanted to kid around the whole class and I was like "roarrrr jimmy off my arm !!"

one hundred circles

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I offered to help for a video set-up for Lucy McRae. I've only been to the gallery once with Sarah and we listened to her Lucy about her work and her ideas for her new piece. 

I rode my bike with Sarah in the morning. The heat was so horrible... but the bike ride was really nice. I haven't ever rode my bike to Fitzroy before so it was cool to see new places on the way.

spicy tofu burrito on a hot summer day

gallery space

chocolate that didn't seem to melt

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saturday:

Last night I watched the newest episode of Glee... I have to write that this was one of my favourite episodes so far. They sung a number of songs which resonated with me, including: come what may, unchained melody and footloose. 

The song that I loved most was come what may - it is definitely one of my favourite musical songs. I cant even express how much excitement I felt when the first notes started to play. Even more so when Darren Criss begun to sing it... I really adore him. The whole time it just made me super happy.

---

sunday:

Yesterday I went to the Heidi Museum with Sim to see the Louise Bourgeois collection that the Pandas had told Sarah and I about. It took us over an hour and a half to get there. We had to train to Flinders, then Parliament, then bus to Clifton Hill, then train to Heidelberg, then bus and walk to get there. By the time we got there I was so relieved to be in an air conditioned room looking at really powerful work and words.

Her words I scribbled down -

"... the magic power of the needle... [it] is used to repair the damage, it's a claim to forgiveness. It is never aggressive, it's not a pin."

"has the day invaded the night or the night invaded the day?"

"I am saying in my sculpture today what I couldn't make out in the past."

"Yes, something is missing and always will be missing."

I loved clarity of emotions within the artworks. I felt that each evoked a powerful and pure feeling. I especially like the third quote. I think it is because at this point in my life, I am creating - words, images, objects, music- that are abstract and that I'm still figuring things out, getting lost and wandering. I hope that later on in life I'll be able to express the way I feel and think about things in more clarity.

There was also another quote I forgot to wrote down... about the spider but it was a really awesome way of looking at the spider and relating it to her mother.

Here is is:

"The spider is an ode to my mother. She was my best friend. Like a spider, my mother was a weaver... Like spiders, my mother was very clever. Spiders are friendly presences ... Spiders are helpful and protective, just like my mother."

Sim and I sat in the park for a bit (we got lost trying to find the Heidi house) and had this brief moment:

*noise plays faintly in the background*

Sim - "Where is that Asian music coming from ?"

*both of us listen intently, there is a long pause as we listen closely to the sound."

Both of us - "IT'S AN ICE CREAM TRUCK!"

It took us equally long to get home. We waited for 20 minutes for the bus, hiding in the little shade that a fence provided. It felt like we were in the desert. When we saw the bus coming were we sooooo relieved.

---

I stayed home and did work all day today. It left me with a natural high and I walked to the supermarket feeling so good about life. I should do work all day more often ...

A new week starts now !

to you for a long time ago

I wish you would have told me

I was the one that needed to know then
Not now
Not from her words

I had your silence in my ears
For those weeks

I wondered
And voices told me you were busy
And I wanted to believe them

I thought you hated me, that -
You didn't trust me

And I still dont think you do
Subconsciously implying
Subconsciously investigating

It breaks me up inside
Why cant you believe in me

I think you're beautiful

95 & engagement celebrations

the cake sister and I made

chocolate and macaroon cupcakes

figs from the garden

mrs. and mr.

sunset walks

to Melbourne

GG in a peculiar chair

daughters and cake

light in the morning

words soon

x

some things last

-------

standing under trees
with fluorescent leaves

the nighttime can make you young again
unfamiliar - it is to be explored and held tightly
till you know it
till you love it
till you don't want to let it go
or else you lose a part of yourself

night murmurs to strangers taking the same path
into a sea of abandoned cars and tilted street lamps
where am i.

a half moon is slowly rising

a conversation brings my blood 
to a steady flow
I can feel it, I can feel it
and it beats fear and timelessness, again,
into my eyes, into my eyes

I wanted to tell you - I think of it too
I am far from an empty shell.
but instead my body listened silently
while heart beats grew faster
waking me from the daze the meeting before had put me in
I thought you stopped wanting to die.

happy night

We danced to 80s music and I talked to almost-strangers about shrooms (why is it always shrooms?)
At midnight we we put on the fog machine and everyone danced to thriller and I felt like I was at some dance rehearsal and it was amazing. M went the moves step by step with confidence but no arrogance and I thought, "wow you're actually very cool right now." I spoke to L all the time... scaring each other with similarities and feeling oddly, yet comfortably, pushed-together in the crowd. Happy to get to hear stories of other lives - interesting and free of insecurities, unlike others who seemed to be cocooned in layers of it - making me wonder what they really look like.

Dancing without any alcohol in my blood and feeling so happy. Laughing at everyone else (feeling bad afterwards) but at the time not being able to help finding everyone and their flailing limbs hilarious.

M drove me home. Listening to him talk about things that I didn't believe him to care about. An interesting morning discussion while driving through empty streets and a gratefulness for the door that seemed to click open in my mind.