it's really odd

and really A W E S O M E.

I was feeling like rubbish all today. I have just been very overwhelmed by many plans for everything. I have been so so stressed and I am really very awful at dealing with stressful things, it just makes me want to sleep all the time (more than usual- and not because of the joy of sleep but because of the stressfulness of life)

I feel awful to watch my grandma suffer. I don't like the way people talk to her, I don't like how time is going backwards and she is being treated like a child again. When I talk to her about her past, her eyes light up and her mind is so much more active and I feel happy and connected to her again. But when she is stressed, she repeats words and is very forgetful.
Today she tried walking more. I did some exercises with her - just stretching and breathing. I gave her a legs and swollen feet a massage, just feeling like this is one of the only ways I can bring her a bit of comfort. I guess I feel helpless in a way. I am accepting of her ageing, but it still is upsetting.

After moving out of my apartment, I still have to deal with things that I shouldn't have to deal with like payment on time and also things that are understandable like telling my new roomie how all the things in my room work. It'll be interesting to live away from Jing for just a short while. I know the time will FLY but I've lived with jing for almost 3 years now (which is so so crazy) Now that I look back at it all, I've had it pretty good with her (even with the shower noises and fish on the floor)

I have had a lovely lovely friend from Canberra come up to Melbourne spontaneously and insisted to hang out with me. I have very very very little time to see any of my friends recently because family is my priority right now. I feel like I have a habit of putting other people before me. Even though I want to see everyone, I have seriously grown some white hairs trying to please people over the years. I realise now that I have been putting way too much pressure on myself to hang out with every single person that wants to see me/who I also want to see. I have really appreciated those who have made the effort to come and see me in the 1 or 2 hours I have had free during the week. I managed to see Viv for lunch and it was really good but way too short. I do miss this girl lots she is great and her face is so huggable. I am thankful sim just decided to live at my house and help me pack and make stop motions even though she did eat through all my pears and my yogurt and made me OD on mini twix bars.

I'm still planning small things about the exchange and it hasn't hit my body that I'm actually going overseas yet (not sure if that is good or bad) I already feel like I have done too much research on Estonia and I still want to have no expectations of it and just let it all be NEW like New York was (ahh I miss you New York - and you too Jennyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyymywifffeeeeeee ... is sarah our daughter? i am so proud she is so smart and cool and arty and charitable)

Anyway, I am slowly losing my mind but I feel like hopefully this is the "down" coming to a slightly up part of the curvy life wave.

Going back to the start of this blog blob blog entry - I am so surprised at how happy I get when I have positive comments on my stop motion work. I feel so good in my soul and it makes me want to do more. The past few days I have been feeling ill from not feeling motivated to draw or paint, but once I started editing my stop motions I felt so much better. Is this a secret cure for me? MAYBE. I hope this enthusiasm I have found for stop motion sicks like the clay sticks to my hands (for a long time and only scalding hot soapy water can get it off) because I am loving it so far.

i prayed to the moon and sun whales

Life has been really weird lately. Life has been busy (like everyone else's - all the time)

I'm doing all these small and short stop motions with clay and, maybe it is just all the chocolate i just ate but, I feel so happy about it all... and I actually feel excited to make more. I want to get so much better at it.

My hilarious and beautiful grandma had a small stroke a few weeks ago. She's been in hospital and rehabilitation centres since then. It is pretty upsetting to see my family sad, stressed and worried. It really breaks my heart to see how people speak to her now - as if she is a child. I hate how impatient people can be with others. My grandma is sometimes slower to respond to things and nurses just continuously repeat words until she does it. I just want them to stop and tell them, "She heard you. She's processing it."
Whenever I speak to her, I do it slowly, clearly and respectfully. I love my grandma a lot. She is funny and she is strong and that is what I would like to be when I change from my young grandma self to an old grandma.
I know it is normal for my aunties and my mum to want to do everything for her but I feel that if she wants to become stronger she has to be given the chance to do small things by herself. I see that my aunties "take control"of a lot of things. Things that I know my grandma is capable of doing herself and despite how helpful it is, it is actually preventing her from little exercises that will help her get a little bit stronger. I understand that they just want to be there for her in every moment. I would want to do the same if it were my mum. I want them to just trust in her and be close to catch her if she ever slips.
I really do hope that she will be able to go home soon. It is so sad to see grandpa alone now.
My sister came from Canberra to visit grandma. I'm always happy when my sister is around. I like the relationship I have with her. In a way, I feel more complete when she is around.

I went to Sydney the other week to meet the consulate general of Estonia to apply for my short stay visa. I texted J when I got there because I was so surprised that they had double decker TRAINSSSS and I got really excited at sat at the top. He immediately texted me back asking me where I was and how long I was in town. A half hour later we were sitting and having tea. We went walking around the harbour and ate some ice cream in the rain. What I love about J is that he will always make such an effort to see me. I had a really good time being around him - even though it was only an afternoon.

The consulate general was so nice. She gave me many pamphlets and we talked a bit about her life and also things about Estonia. It made me a lot more calm and afterwards the whole thing (me going overseas) felt so much more real. I texted Dylan and we both were excited but ahhh ahh-ing as well.

I spent the evening with Saro. It was so hilarious. She is such a funny human and I do adore her personality. It's just so good to spend time with her cus we know each other's expressions so well. We spent the evening dodging her university friends (because we kept running into them over and over in the shops and it was starting to get awkward)

I stayed with my cousin that night. She introduced me to her secret boyfriend over dinner and we all had a really good time talking and eating too much. I never really spend much time with Steph. As children we used to be so so competitive and end up really disliking each other. After this experience, I really feel like we've grown up a bit haha.

Days in Melbourne have been spent going through many many many applications for my room. I didn't expect to get so many. After a couple days of meeting people we found someone to take over my room for the time that I am away. Hopefully it all goes well!

Sim has stayed over a few times to draw and to help me pack. Each morning I would wake up to her saying, "I'm hunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggry." and I would have to sleepily go to the kitchen and make warm things and bring it to her bed. She's eaten all my yogurt.

We were talking the other day about the weirdest things that we did as children. I had forgotten that I used to kiss stickers on my door before I went to sleep and that my best friend and I used to sing songs to the blue and red whale toys that I had - we called then the sun and moon whales.

Over the last few months I have had a number of unusual encounters. A lady who caught the skybus with me back into the city asked me for directions to the outlet stores and I told her they were just about the bus terminal and that I would just take her there as it wasn't far at all. When I showed her there, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Thank you! Thank you so much!" she proceeded to hug me and I just stood there wondering what in the world happened. She held her hands together near her chest and looked and smiled at me as a I walked away. I had to check to see if she had stolen things off me - because it the experience was just so much more peculiar that I am used to. She didn't. She was just very grateful.
I also met a boy while looking for thermals. He followed me out of the store and we made good conversation. I asked him a few times, "You're not a murderer are you?" and he awkwardly laughed and said he was about to go to dinner with friends but was early. I told him that we could keep talking but that I needed to go to the supermarket to buy rice. He seemed totally ok with this and just came along for the walk. It is just one those random and hilarious kind of meetings. Just buying rice with a stranger and talking about life things. He was an asian mix, who studied some medicine at Melbourne University. He was probably too kind to me. We had some hot chocolate and he said, "Are you hungry? I just thought... I'm going to dinner, but what about you! I should buy you some food!" and I said, "You just met me. It's ok. I have food at home!"
I am definitely not ok with letting someone buy me that much stuff the first time I meet them! It was really funny but quite nice to talk to someone new and so randomly too.

Too tired. Sorry for lack of updates if anyone still read this :S

stories

It has been a while now since I have written. So I think I should attempt to bring my blog up to date!

A while ago was my birthday. I woke up to a surprising amount of messages from friends and family and that made me very happy. I celebrated with Vic during the day at intern and she took me to a nice japanese cafe and we ate the most delicious cold soba noodles. In the evening mum and I went to Spice Temple - a restaurant that I had been wanting to go to for years and years (the main reason because it had the word "spice" in it, haha) We ordered too much but the food was delicious. My favourite was the tofu.

lightly fried tofu that is so soft in the center, with spicy and refreshing capsicum 

spicy duck

The semester has finally come to an end. I haven't enjoyed this studio much at all. I quite like the people - they are all very humorous, but I have not felt very engaged throughout. I didn't feel as though my presentation went well at all as the discussion part extended for 20 minutes more than it should have but I ended up doing much better than I thought.

I am happy that I can finally spend some proper time planning things for exchange. (I got into exchange) It was very awkward to receive an acceptance letter as I really thought that I didn't get in because of the first letter. I had already gone through the process of accepting that I wasn't going anywhere and I had started planning other things that I could do while I was in Melbourne.

I feel quite stressed about it all, but I will attempt not to loose my mind over the small things. My family continuously changes their plans - first I was going by myself, then I was going with my mum to taipei first, then we were going to singapore instead of taipei, then both my parents wanted a holiday in europe and now my dad says he doesn't think he wants to go and will go another time when he can spend more time eating food... so I think now mum and I will take a little trip around Europe. I have no idea if that is going to happen or maybe in the end it will go back to the first plan of me going alone.

PHEW. Whatever happens happens.

I woke up a couple of days ago to the message that I had earned money from an image that I contributed to a short film. The film ended up being shown at Sundance and I got some profits from it! I was/am still surprised that this happened! I am super happy about that.

I am currently sorting through all the things I need to do within the next two months. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow.... I can't wait to start new projects and make new things that are totally not uni related hohohohohoh yes.

Winter is here now and the mornings are so crisp. It is almost as nice as Canberra winter, but I don't see much frost. I love the cold air in my lungs.

I spent some of last night with sim and jimmy's house. We played music and made songs and I thought just how happy I am to have gotten to know these two much more this year. We started making this one song that we all liked and Jimmy got really intense and specific about the lyrics that he wanted to use - I don't think I've ever seen him so serious haha.

I broke one of my strings on my guitar and I felt so stupid because I knew it was going to break and yet I kept tightening it. I think it was the stress at the time.

I can now practice my estonian everyyyydayyyy whoooohooo fun (it is actually quite fun) "goodnight" sounds like "hey dude!" hahahaha

ohhhh computerrrrrr im sorry

i like fat birds

I spent the later half of the day with the Pandas. It had been a while since I had seen them, so I was happy to be in their company once again and to listen to their stories.

We walked through the park together and spotted lots of little birds flying about, probably catching dinner bugs. There was a pregnant or maybe just obese fairy wren that came really close to us a few times. I couldn't help but adore it because it was so cute. (I can imagine myself with a lot of them sitting on me and being the happiest person alive)

It had rained heavily the days before so we often dodged puddles and pointed out areas where the water had risen. Even the bridge was almost submerged by water.

I hadn't walked through the park before. It was really lovely and made me wonder why we hadn't wandered there before. It was good to see something new, especially while it is Autumn and there are many colours about.

you and me

"Everyone says that I am a lone wolf. But the truth is ... I have you."

v i

Florence + the Machine - Over the Love
Iwan Rheon - Your Soul
Iwan Rheon - Bang! Bang!
Bats For Lashes - Laura
Hiatus Kaiyote - Nakamarra
Jessie Ware - Wildest Moments

why i dont like things right now, but also why i do

The last month have been stressful.

I really love the autumn colours and the colder weather, but it also means later sunrises and soaked feet.

I've had continuous late nights and early mornings finishing work and making enough time to play a few tunes or draw a few people. After handing in two of my three assignments this week, I allowed myself to sleep in and I woke up feeling my body ache with the weight of the week.

My age day is next week. I can't believe that 22 has come so soon. It has always been during exam times - ever since high school. I find it depressing and unavoidable that everyone is "too busy" to see me on my birthday. I suppose I'm having a self-pity moment.

It was rain, thunder and lightning last night. I came home late and walked through the park and let myself get completely soaked. I felt like a kid again. It was nice to have the rain at this time, it was cleansing. I liked watching the lightning from my window and made me think of times as a child with Ali watching my curtains flicker with the storm.

I haven't felt that comfortable at home lately. I've been the one to tell D how to settle in. I relay information between Jing and D because she is too shy to ask and it is just such a bother to be the person in between. It is exhausting and sometimes I feel like they forget that I have university continuously on my mind and that home really is the place that I go for comfort - it is my home and not just a place where I sleep.

Each time I caught a tram this week, I would be pushed into a conversation with a stranger. They were always kind, but very chatty. A older lady loved my jumper and proceeded to stroke my arm fondly and then hobble off of the tram. I think she had been drinking.

Though exhausting, University has been "lively" (probably the wrong word to use as most people probably feel dead) but the motivation has definitely picked up and I, too, have felt the need to work hard and really get into it - making up for my month of depression and bed times after America.

My favourite class this semester has been Enter the Playhouse where we explore the Malthouse and propose a new design for the entry. My teacher was great, even in one on one discussions she spontaneously brought her ipad full of works that she thought would relate to our design proposal. Class was good too, we were lucky to have a happy group of people. Everyone got a long and motivated each other. I wish all classes were this good.

Looking forward to the semester end. Looking forward to time to make without uni on my brain.

Having lots of nostalgia since I read Eddie's tumblr post. Missing Taiwan times and taiwan friends.

Sarah and I sent videos to each other just today and made me so happy but also so sad. sighhhhhhhh.

good

Be Friends with Failure
Brick by Brick
Super Obvious Secrets That I Wish They'd Teach In Art School

home time

I like going home.

My sister picked me up from the airport and on the way to her house we saw a shooting star. We were driving down a hill, the view was of city lights, and for a split second we both saw a light stream across the sky. It was beautiful to see as it has been many years since I have seen one.

I spent the first night sleeping at my sister's. I told her it there was no need for heating in my room because I felt so cosy under the layers of blankets... but I regretted that decision when I woke up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep because it was so cold.

When the morning came, my sister and I went to buy yellow roses (my mum's favourite) and we went to the family house to surprise her. On the way there we spotted the sky whale - a new hot air balloon in Canberra. My sister was so excited to see it that she was hardly looking at the road.

When we arrived at the house, I walked through the doors and mum reacted normally and then suddenly it clicked and she said, "what are you doing here!!" it was nice that she didn't expect me.

The next day mum and I woke up early to see the Sky whale tethered at the park near Questacon.

This boobied hot air balloon apparently caused a fuss with Canberra citizens. People said the money should go to schools or hospitals rather than the balloon. My mum said that she has grown to love it and thinks that the money has gone to something that is interesting and fun for all people to view.

I love Canberra when it is changing from Autumn to winter. The days are sunny and the air is so crisp. In the mornings, the grass is covered in beautiful frost while the trees are filled with magnificent colour.

In my spare time, I made pomegranate juice out of the ageing fruit and it was delicious! I also spent time with my sister and mum trying on bridesmaids dresses and watching my sister try on numerous bridal gowns.

Dad cooked a feast for mum's birthday. It was just a family dinner and it was really really great. I wouldn't have missed it for anything else in the world. The night was full of laughing and happiness.
I am very grateful to have my family. I love them all greatly.

My sister and I spent a lot of time making a pineapple shaped cake for my mum. I added a little cat next to it (its meant to be Taichee!)

The birds outside ate the offcuts off the birthday cake (so in a way they celebrated with us)

Speaking of Taichee... She joined us for dessert!

I think mum really enjoyed her celebrations. We even put her name in the paper with a photo of the family... she was surprised and remarked, "Now EVERYONE knows my age!!" haha whoops.

- - - 

I caught the flu while I was in Canberra so the flight back into Melbourne was very painful. My ears ached so much as the plane descended. They have never hurt so much in my life. Still my hearing is muffled... I hope when I wake that my hearing will be better.

Today I received an email from the Estonian exchange office. They told me that my artistic level was impressive and thought that I would be better suited to their Fine Arts courses or Design courses as opposed to their Architecture ones. In any case, I wasn't offered a place for Interior architecture. They did tell me to apply for Fine Arts and Design and wanted to hear back from me, but I think it is unlikely that that would work out with my RMIT arrangement.

I had this feeling from the start that I wouldn't get in. It wasn't a bad feeling at all, it was just something that was constant. As if to say I'm meant to do something else. I think I felt some pressure to go to Europe because I wanted to see Sarah and Vanni so much. I know I will see them again, but just not this year.

tree house

On windy days like this, I open up all the windows and the door to the balcony. The trees are swaying with the wind and I feel the current flow right through the house. When I sit in the lounge room I feel like i'm living in an awesome treehouse.

N Y and D W

As you all may have noticed... I have been avoiding looking through my U S A photos. Every time I begin, I get SAD because I actually really want to be back there (especially now that it is warmer!)

What I loved most about the trip was spending time to wander the city by myself or with Jenny. I was so impressed by the buildings and I just adored the feeling of getting to know a new place. That feeling has become comforting over the years.

I really want to write more about the trip, but it will definitely turn into rambling so I am going to keep most of that to myself. I may add more words later on, but it is time for sleep.

Here are just a few of the photos I took while in America:

The view from LA -> NY

 Manhattan
(Last: the view from the top of The Rockefeller Center)

 Brooklyn

 The MET

 The Guggenheim 

Harry Potter World wand shop

Disney World fireworks

travel withdrawals

: (

follow

Soon I will be heading home.

In New York, I immersed myself in the buildings and small shops. I loved wandering and seeing things. I loved walking alone, trying to find my way around and going to galleries. I loved seeing Jenny and meeting new people.

: (

Home is really calling me now. I have become very aware of things that I need to do there. I wish teleportation was up and working for humans as I am dreading the 20 hour flight.

Things for the future - I just have to be patient (and not die)

for a moment

Waking up to a message from eddie wishing me safe travels and giving his love.

Morning announcements on the train.

"here's some trivia for all of you:

DID YOU KNOW ...

The metro system took 10 years to build?
That it cost 500 million dollars?
That parliament station 40m underground making it the lowest point of the whole tunnel system?
That, subsequently, the escalators at parliament are the longest in the southern hemisphere? 
Finally, the amount of dirt extruded from the ground to make the tunnels is enough to fill the MCG one and a half times?"

I didn't know any of this. Thank you train driver.

Emily said she heard her platform man announce:

"Passangers on platform 5, your 8:55 city loop train has been delayed and will arrive in ten minutes due to an incompetent driver."

At intern I helped to clean up the pendant Dylan made for his 2 year anniversary. He is so sweet to make this. Over the past couple of weeks I've met with him after class and taught him how use wax and discussed and refined his ideas and mold. I was so happy to see that he was keen to learn something new. He could have easily of drawn a gift for Katelyn (as he is a talented drawer) but he came to me specifically because he wanted to learn a new skill.

He treated me to dinner while we discussed the final steps. He said to me on the way, "Izzy I really appreciate this. What can I do for you?" and I replied, "You really don't need to do anything for me, it's nice enough that I'm teaching you and you are happily learning." and then he said back something along the lines of, "A few years ago you said something that really resonated with me.. something like - Sometimes you feel like you give a lot- you make things for people / put lots of thought into things, but sometimes you feel you are taken for granted or that you're unappreciated. I just want you to know how much your help means to me and that I am really thankful."

I am really happy to have him as a friend. I'm picking up the finished piece today... It is exciting and special to give something like a silver pendant. I like the silver is so long-lasting.

Vic and I had soup for lunch. The soup is becoming our "calming food" and it makes us feel so good. I'm finding that our conversation is becoming more and more casual. I can talk to her about some personal things and it is nice to get support for some things. It is definitely good to talk it through with some people.

I went to Malthouse to meet Vivian and we did site analysis then ran back to building 88 for class. On the way I bought a macha ice cream and it was so good. Class was intense. Maybe it is just my group. We presented our individual work to our group. I am not normally the one to talk but I got up and just spoke so casually and I felt a bit proud to be getting better at speaking to a group of people. We ended at 8 and I texted Ems to see if she was free for dinner as I had not seen her in months.

We ate at Yong green's. It was actually very peaceful and I am happy of my decision. The food was so yum, we shared Pho with fake meat. I always like meeting up with Em... I think she's possibly the cousin that is "most similar" to me - our interests and things !

Sim and I took the tram back into the station. We were sitting on the seats sharing earphones and listening to music. Sim said, "this is like camp." and I suddenly remembered on the way back from first year camp we sat together and shared music. I said to her, "this is so weird. It's like we're in exactly the same place doing the same thing but in a different time. WE ARE IN THE FUTURE."

Waiting for the train, we bought some delicious ice cream (the same as the other day) and the sugar made us go into a laughing fit. We took the long escalators down to the platform. We watched the light on the moving stairs for the whole way down- until it all blended into itself and became a wall of flickering colour. It was actually really beautiful, but thinking this made us feel like someone had drugged our ice cream.

I got home and sat in the lounge room table talking to Darcy. Finding random hand prints on the ceiling of his room ( I gave him the demon room >:D )

Sim sent me the songs that we had listened to. I drew and played guitar while talking to Vanni on skype until almost 2 am. He was telling that he was visiting Barcelona and after a little while talking I said, "juuuust a second...."
and he immediately replied, "You're looking up where Barcelona is aren't you ??"
and I was so surprised and said back, "HOW DID YOU KNOW. i didn't even say!"

We always seem to sing songs to each other and be silly. rah

This was a good day and a good night. I am so so thankful to have these people in my life.


Breezeblocks - Alt-J

when i was a kid (1)

... I used to dream that I was at primary school having a normal day. I would say to my friends "let's meet back here tomorrow morning!" and when I woke, I was so excited to see them again. When I went to them and asked "remember how we were all here last night?" they were all really confused. I genuinely thought that they would remember being in my dream.

while brushing my teeth

I also brushed my tongue
and imagined it saying, "OHHHHH FLIPPIN YEAHHH"

dis iz my state of mind

songs of the moment

The Middle East - Blood
Birdy - People Help The People
Passenger - Let Her Go
Eels - My Beloved Monster  (I chose this video because he has the same guitar as me !!)
Decoder Ring - The Blind The Stars And The Wild Team (this song is great but I can't find a decent youtube version)
Darren Criss - Come What May (because I love him)

summer is

when I don't care at all that I'm not wearing pants.

come what may

beef mince, spinach w/ sesame oil, mushroom w/pepper, walnut and avocado

---

University started this week. My main studio class room is the same as what I had last year in first semester and it's really weird being back in the same environment with completely different people. I wish king cat was still on the glass so I could look at it.

I don't have anyone that I'm super good friends with, which I always don't mind. However the third years in my class always go and sit away from the second years and I feel some pressure to go sit with them. However, for the last class I sat next to a second year and just asked her about herself. Maybe I will get to know someone new every class.

I feel pretty intimidated. I think I always feel like this at the start of the semester though. I don't talk that much and I just hope the teacher doesn't think I'm stupid or that the second year students don't think I'm a lame third year. Things always take a while to sink in so I hardly ever have something to say right after a discussion.

I am not even sure what my studio class is about yet. One teacher told us that we wouldn't have to worry about our readings as they were "short", however he gave us one that was 5 pages and now I have just printed out another one that is 11 pages. So far they have been awful. I don't understand anything and the way that the author has written it makes me want to cry and burn the papers.

I have a one specialisation in the work shop. I already like it - I am surrounded by creative people and it is scary but also awesome. I will be able to learn from the others and be inspired. I am so happy to have a class there as it means I can be hands-on the entire lesson and it feelssss gooooooooooooood.

On Wednesday I had intern with Vic. By then I was filled with anxiety from the studio class and other events that I was just really unhappy about how everything was going. I was whining to Vic about how much I wanted udon noodles for lunch the precious day but none of my friends wanted to eat it and she surprised me and said, "LET'S GET IT FOR LUNCH!" - this made me feel so happy... It literally made me forget all sadness. HAHA the magic of noodles. We ate near Flinders Street at a small japanese place. The udon noodles were SO TASTY I am definitely going back soon.

After intern I visited the Gallery to see the "Radiance" exhibition, Jeff Wall and also Thomas Demand. I was so so impressed by Thomas Demand's paper work and photography. I especially loved his rain drops falling. I watched it for a very long time.

I loved a lot of the artworks in the Radiance: The Neo-Impressionists, especially those of Maximilien Luce, Theo Van Rysselberghe and Achille Lauge.

exploring the Malthouse

My second specialisation is run by a really lovely lady. I haven't had her as a teacher before (actually I have all new teachers this year) but she seems kind and the class seems decent so far. We are to explore the entry to the Malthouse theatre and redesign it.

We we given a tour and introduction by a guy that had worked there for 10 years. I was so shocked to hear how many things needed work ! 

I think there will be group collaborations and presentations which is something I need to work on. In this class, I have most of my friends. Sim and Jim told me that I was so serious during the first lesson. They wanted to kid around the whole class and I was like "roarrrr jimmy off my arm !!"

one hundred circles

---

I offered to help for a video set-up for Lucy McRae. I've only been to the gallery once with Sarah and we listened to her Lucy about her work and her ideas for her new piece. 

I rode my bike with Sarah in the morning. The heat was so horrible... but the bike ride was really nice. I haven't ever rode my bike to Fitzroy before so it was cool to see new places on the way.

spicy tofu burrito on a hot summer day

gallery space

chocolate that didn't seem to melt

---

saturday:

Last night I watched the newest episode of Glee... I have to write that this was one of my favourite episodes so far. They sung a number of songs which resonated with me, including: come what may, unchained melody and footloose. 

The song that I loved most was come what may - it is definitely one of my favourite musical songs. I cant even express how much excitement I felt when the first notes started to play. Even more so when Darren Criss begun to sing it... I really adore him. The whole time it just made me super happy.

---

sunday:

Yesterday I went to the Heidi Museum with Sim to see the Louise Bourgeois collection that the Pandas had told Sarah and I about. It took us over an hour and a half to get there. We had to train to Flinders, then Parliament, then bus to Clifton Hill, then train to Heidelberg, then bus and walk to get there. By the time we got there I was so relieved to be in an air conditioned room looking at really powerful work and words.

Her words I scribbled down -

"... the magic power of the needle... [it] is used to repair the damage, it's a claim to forgiveness. It is never aggressive, it's not a pin."

"has the day invaded the night or the night invaded the day?"

"I am saying in my sculpture today what I couldn't make out in the past."

"Yes, something is missing and always will be missing."

I loved clarity of emotions within the artworks. I felt that each evoked a powerful and pure feeling. I especially like the third quote. I think it is because at this point in my life, I am creating - words, images, objects, music- that are abstract and that I'm still figuring things out, getting lost and wandering. I hope that later on in life I'll be able to express the way I feel and think about things in more clarity.

There was also another quote I forgot to wrote down... about the spider but it was a really awesome way of looking at the spider and relating it to her mother.

Here is is:

"The spider is an ode to my mother. She was my best friend. Like a spider, my mother was a weaver... Like spiders, my mother was very clever. Spiders are friendly presences ... Spiders are helpful and protective, just like my mother."

Sim and I sat in the park for a bit (we got lost trying to find the Heidi house) and had this brief moment:

*noise plays faintly in the background*

Sim - "Where is that Asian music coming from ?"

*both of us listen intently, there is a long pause as we listen closely to the sound."

Both of us - "IT'S AN ICE CREAM TRUCK!"

It took us equally long to get home. We waited for 20 minutes for the bus, hiding in the little shade that a fence provided. It felt like we were in the desert. When we saw the bus coming were we sooooo relieved.

---

I stayed home and did work all day today. It left me with a natural high and I walked to the supermarket feeling so good about life. I should do work all day more often ...

A new week starts now !

to you for a long time ago

I wish you would have told me

I was the one that needed to know then
Not now
Not from her words

I had your silence in my ears
For those weeks

I wondered
And voices told me you were busy
And I wanted to believe them

I thought you hated me, that -
You didn't trust me

And I still dont think you do
Subconsciously implying
Subconsciously investigating

It breaks me up inside
Why cant you believe in me

I think you're beautiful

95 & engagement celebrations

the cake sister and I made

chocolate and macaroon cupcakes

figs from the garden

mrs. and mr.

sunset walks

to Melbourne

GG in a peculiar chair

daughters and cake

light in the morning

words soon

x